WHAT TO EXPECT WHEN YOU'RE EXPECTING TO AWAKEN


I can feel it coming. Like a steam train doing the locamotion with Tom Hanks from the Polar Express as the conductor. I'm about to awaken (it's either that or I have a brain tumor and/or schizophrenia, so fingers crossed.)


You might find it presumptuous of me to assume my enlightenment is near. But spiritual awakening is becoming pretty typical. I'm actually offended it hasn't happened to me yet. The average person can find out more high vibe information from a 12 year old on Youtube than humanity has learned in all the proceeding years combined. It's like the Wild West of consciousness out here. And while that's great it has it's downfalls.


Awakening is no joke. It's a very intense process and you need to be prepared. If you hang out on this side of the internet long enough, your consciousness will start to wake up. It's unavoidable. So be ready. Because I def am NOT. And it cost me $156 in doctors fees last week. Allow me to explain.


Last week I went to urgent care because I had a horrible ear ache. Not only was the doctor not hot, but he was also married and refused to give me pills. Grey's Anatomy this was not. He declared my ear was the "cleanest ear he'd seen all day." I pointed out that it was 9 a.m and I was his first patient. He didn't care. Asshole.


Later that night I was meditating per usual, not to brag. But suddenly I felt the oddest sensation at the top of my head. It was as if air was being "let out." A very strong wind pounded through every cell of my body, may chest especially. My ears popped SO hard and loud my cat jumped. IT FELT SO GOOD! Then needles of light, or "spaghetti" as I explained excitedly to my roommate, began growing from each hair folicle on my skull. Fun! Then my brain felt like it was expanding inside my skull and I decided this was no longer chill and stood up and ran around my room saying "no, no, no, no" (*my go to.)


Once I got my bearings, I Nancy Drew googled the shit out of my experience. The first website that popped up explained ear pressure and a "rushing" sound was a sign of awakening. The article's author, a Harvard scientist, warned not to "push too hard" or let all the energy explode out at once. He said, and I quote, because this can "fry the brain like a shortwired hairdryer." Ummm....what in the actual fuck. Why don't they teach us anything important in schools?


This is all to say, if you believe this may be happening to you I recommend googling your symptoms one by one and seeing the best way to work through them. No one's awakening is the same and there are techniques for whatever form yours takes. There is no need to do it alone.


All that matters is that we wake up. I cannot wait to see you on the other side.

xx

M


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