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Updated: Jul 10, 2019

omg I'm so embarrassed, my boyfriend John Stamos took this while I wasn't looking.

I am always shocked by how many people say they can't meditate. I'm also shocked that I'm saying it like that, all Judge Judy and shit, because I only started meditating like three years ago. And even now, I do it half laying down in my bed with my TJMax eye pillow still on every other third day. Meditation doesn't really have to be a fancy affair.

If self realization isn't your thing and you're just looking for more ways to get stuff, you are in luck. Meditation is a manifesting must. All day long the universe gives signals to us and we can’t hear them when our mind is spinning like a damn pinwheel on meth. Meditation bypasses the left frontal cortex (where our feelings of separation come in) and goes straight to cosmic consciousness baby, YES! Other than that, meditation is pretty dumb.

Anywho, here's HOW you do it if yo have ADD or are one of those people who "can't meditate.". Every morning you sit down for two minutes or more. You close your eyes and cross your legs and feel your body. You connect with being. You observe your thoughts. You feel like you did "nothing." Then you get up and live your life. Easy! The two things people with ADD get caught in is that 1. you don't have to sit for huge chunks of time and 2. you aren't always going to see immediate, tangible results and that's okay. If you go in knowing those two things and do it anyway, you are a gem on this earth and we are lucky to have you here.

Here's the cheat sheet:

Imagine a giant piece of velcro. One side of the velcro is the mind (thoughts, judgements, plans, resentments, opinions) and the other side is awareness. Your job is to rip the two apart by whatever means necessary because think about it....they are obviously two different things, DUH. Right now, you have them stuck together as one thing.

What thoughts are going through your head right now? Maybe you're worried about what your mom said to you when you were five, and how everything won't get done tomorrow and why the fuck does this girl write such long blog posts. Do you really think your heart and soul came to to this dimension to be the world's most boring national geographic commentator? NO MATTER HOW PRESSING THE THOUGHT, THE THOUGHT IS NOT YOU AND WILL NEVER BE YOU. Can your thoughts recognize your awareness? No. Thought forms don't understand most cool things such as infinity, space, eternity, oneness and cats. It's job is to schedule dentist appointments and trick people into falling in love with you. So you can't think you're way there.

Okay, so then we have to use awareness to recognize thought. Yes. There we go.

You can't explain to someone how to be aware of their thoughts because until you are aware that you aren't aware you won't know you are aware. It's just something you have to sit down and do. I know it sucks. But this is what will happen: You're going to be sitting there trying to meditate but really thinking about why Drake named his baby Adonis and then you're going to think "Hey! I'm supposed to be meditating, not thinking." and bam. That is the voice of awareness. The observer realized you were thinking. You just meditated. And it is worth noting that your mind drifting away into thought is part of the process so you don't have to worry or go into an ADD perfectionist spiral when that happens. It's just pointing you home.

When you are aware of a thought as you are having it YOU. ARE. CONSCIOUS. and you have met the real you. You are the being watching the thoughts! Couldn't you just DIE?? Aren't you just DIVINE???? If something realizes something is doing something then that something is not that something (write that down.)


It's right there.

That's all there is.

lovvve you


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