A lot of crazy things happened to me this past year. I got sober off ambien and alcohol. I moved into my dream house. I joined/started a band. But by far, my heart chakra opening was the most satisfying (and surprising!) of all. I used to think the heart chakra was some kind of lame ass chakra that’s all “love and light.” Not so. The heart chakra is where our lower energies merge with our higher energies. This fertile blending ground is where the “action” of life takes place. If you think of a movie you love or a person you admire, odds are they both have a lot of “heart:" courage to stand up for their beliefs, faith in the face of certain doom, or working tirelessly for the benefit of more than just themselves.
When I was little, adults always talked about broken hearts (I read a lot of Ladies Home Journal.) I took the term “broken heart” metaphorically. But I realized it was literal right quick when Johnny McJohnnerson* (not his real name) shattered me in college. It felt like someone literally took my heart out, put it in a vitamix, and then put it back into my body still churning away. IT FUCKING HURT.
In comparison, new parents often talk about the miracle of birth and how they didn’t know they could experience that much love and their hearts were bursting, etc. Once again, I took it metaphorically. Until it happened to me. Somewhere around a year ago I experienced a…what’s the word? Miracle? Maybe. I won’t go in to the whole story, but through a series of stupidly complex events, I ended up in the company of new friends who opened my heart chakra. The opening was not something giant and obvious like after you push a 8 pound baby out of your V. In fact, it was so gradual I really didn’t even notice it happening at first.
This is how it felt.
-It started out slowly as a hot sensation in my chest that grew. As weeks turned to months, the heat began to get stronger. I’m prone to anxiety but this kind of “heart-heat” felt good.
-Next came the “strings.” It felt like a very tightly woven spool of string (that I never knew was energetically suffocating my body) was getting clipped and loosened. I could feel energy breaking out of confined places and rushing to parts of my body that had become completely dead or numb. I was able to take way bigger breaths.
-Next. At night it turned a little kundalini-ish, with a strong sensation of energy moving up and out of me. I could feel it twist itself around each individual rib. And thoughts of "love" just heightened it. Not even romantic love, more like love for yourself. Saying things like "things are always working our for me" and "I'm exactly where I'm meant to be."
The process is still unfolding. And everyday it’s a choice on if I want to keep it open or if I want to crawl back into my safe little shell. I wish I had a formula that people could emulate but it all happened so randomly. I do know it started RIGHT AFTER I made the decision to get sober (for real this time.) So maybe making bold steps in the direction of healing is one portal. Whatever the case, I don’t think you have to have a baby or make a huge life change to start this process. I hope hearing my story will kick start a few hearts into knowing it's possible for them as well.
And if you’ve already opened your heart chakra, please drop me a note and tell me how you did it.