DEEP THROAT




According to my mother, I have a graceful neck like a ballerina. She also once told me that I “looked cute in anything” when I was going through an adult overall wearing phase, so who knows. However, as a person who identifies as someone with a long neck, it’s always frustrates me how blocked my throat chakra remains. Like isn’t there enough space in there to just fucking flow and move around and shit???

Apparently not. A psychic once told me that most women have the most blockage in their throat and third eye chakras because they don’t want to see or know the truth. But again, this psychic also told me I would be moving to Chicago in a month where I would immediately be pregnant with twins so.... (side note: can we just take a second and really process fake psychics who go into THAT MUCH detail when they know they have absolutely no idea what they are talking about? It’s kinda amazing.)

Lessons learned. Don’t trust moms or mall psychics.

Okay. Back to throat chakras. Odds are yours is blocked as shit because you are an empathetic, sensitive and loving person who doesn’t want to make people feel bad EVER. For years, one of my main hobbies and passion projects was managing the entire world (even countries I had never visited) to make sure no one ever got their feelings hurt. EVER. It was a lot of work and I left every group dinner dripping in sweat from the exertion. But it was highly worth it. I was able to diffuse so many awkward moments and people generally felt good although they had no idea it was ME, YES ME, LITTLE MEAGAN GRAINGER, who was orchestrating such a pleasant evening.

Unfortunately, I felt terrible. First of all, my shadow would activate and I’d get soooo mad at everyone else who was enjoying their night. “Who the fuck are all these selfish bitches who don’t care about other people’s feelings more than their own health, happiness, and sanity. They should be ashamed of themselves.” Melancholy and anxiety enveloped me.

Thennnnnn the inner child and subconscious would get to work. These little fuckers are mad because, unlike me, they aren’t conditioned to victimhood and martyrdom as a lifestyle (and no amount of meditation will fix that.) So, then you do weird things unconsciously and cannot for the life of you figure out your tangled web of psyche and messy life. If this sounds familiar then please read on.

Here’s what has helped me. Difficult conversation? Stay loose with it. Try to relax your body and become super curious about where the other person is coming from. You don’t have to end all conversations wrapped up and frankly a lot of the times you shouldn’t. You can say, “I’m going to process this for (blank amount of time) and get back to you.”

Are two people having an uncomfortable conversation and you feel like Missy Elliot double dutching into the middle of it and “fixing it” for them? Bitch, mind your own business and go grow a garden or something.

Join me in working on this pleaaaase. I need all the help I can get.