top of page


What the fuck is up with Britney Spears? A lot, and none of it am I even remotely qualified to comment on (but obvi I'm going to anyway.) As a former psychologist in training my guess would be 1. several mental illnesses (same girlfriend, no offense) 2. Arrested development (also same?) and 3. some supppper sketchy third eye shit. Girls in Free People dresses call the third eye the “pineal gland” and since that’s exactly what I’m wearing today, I am calling it that too.

Pineal misfiring’s are a common occurrence. Here are some of the signs:

a. difficulty communicating (she has fully started talking like a baby. Not a Paris Hilton “hot” baby, but an actual infant fresh from the womb)

b. memory loss (her records show she’s been diagnosed with dementia - which sure, is probably just her father trying to control her- but let me have this point)

c. hallucinations (you’ve seen her Instagram)

d. can’t tell the difference between reality and the imagination (hasn’t taken off her eye makeup in three years and feels great about it)

None of this is her fault and I still adore her to the depth of my soul. Fame is one of the most sought-after commodities in our modern age but few people really understand what it entails. Although everyone knows who you are consciously and appreciates your art (which is cool) you are ALSO thrust into the unconscious minds of eight billion people. The collective unconscious isn’t exactly smooth sailing. It’s more like a snarling hell pit of repression that never stops churning and projecting. Have fun with that! Illusion becomes the norm and voila, a blocked third eye.

I’ll admit I’m part of the problem because obviously I still want to be Britney Spears and have her super fun, trauma-filled childhood. What can I say? The illuminati got to my pineal gland too.

Stay safe out there vibrators,


bottom of page